Category: professions

I was pulled over by the Police today. He said, “Do you know why I stopped you?” I said, “Sorry no, you`ll have to work that one out for yourself officer.”

“Do you know the difference between us?” asks the anaesthetist. “I haven’t a clue,” says the surgeon. “Exactly.”

I know a way to end these riots. Set the Polar Bears loose from all the London zoos.

American Police Moto : “In God we trust, all others are suspects.”

NEWSFLASH West Midlands Police are looking for a 6’6″, black, serial rapist, with one eye If they don’t catch him they are thinking about opening both of them….

So 8 Strathclyde Police officers have listed their religion as Jedi. Let the force jokes begin.

A policeman stopped me earlier. “Do you know why I’ve pulled you over?” I said, “Because my tyres look like doughnuts?”

I’ve been sacked from my job as a lifeguard. Whilst using the cripple-crane to hoist a handicapped girl into the pool, and her helper saying; ‘Mind her head on the side..’ Replying with; ‘It’s not really going to make much difference though, is it? Is considered somewhat unprofessional.

BBC News: A version of The Clash song London Calling was used as part of the countdown coverage to the 2012 Olympics. But is it the best advert for the city? No, but Police and Thieves is.

What’s black but smells of Pakis? My truncheon.

I walked past my Doctor’s surgery today and he’s put a new sign in the window. It says “Call into our surgery today, we offer top a quality service – you’ll never get better!” I didn’t know what to make of that…

Sky news: “Hot dogs pose risk to children” as they choke on them. Don’t worry, I never let them swallow, i make them spit it out after eating the sausage. ——————————————————– They obviously haven’t met the police, they know to keep hot dogs in cars.

My horse came in down the bookies today. I said, “shouldn’t you be down the racetrack?”

Patient: “Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains!” Doctor: “That’s the least of your problems… You have AIDS.”

The police have issued a photograph of a man they want in connection with a string of robberies in the South East. What I don’t understand is: why they didn’t keep hold of him after they’d taken his photo?