Category: people

Why are blonde jokes generally frowned upon? Because they’re not very clever.

What’s the difference between me and a blind man? A blind man would be happy to see my wife.

It only takes an awkward hug to make you notice the similarities between breathing in and sniffing.

Wish my friends were more like ‘Google’. It never judges me, no matter what I ask it to do.

When I’m bored I like to go into a crowded elevator and say ‘You all are probably wondering why I gathered you here’ with the straightest face.

Why are men so much better at reading maps ? Coz only in a mans mind can 1 inch = 100 miles

If Michael Barrymore wanted to come out of the closet earlier why didn’t he just take his wife swimming?

How many people does it take to jump on a bandwagon? My wife.

If people say you have a bubbly personality, chances are you’re ugly

There are only two types of honest people in this world. Small children and drunk people.

I’m always really careful to have my phone on silent when I’m in the theatre. The last thing I’d want is to be woken up.

An old fella fell down in the street outside my house this afternoon and smashed his head on the pavement. He was laying on his back like a dying beetle, legs twitching. Blood gushing everywhere from a head wound. It was an awful sight. So I decided to do something about it. I closed my […]

If people evolved from apes, why do women smell like fish ????

Two pensioners are sitting at the bench in the park surrounded with pigeons. -“Did you bring bread for pigeons?” – asks first one. -“Sorry mate, I didn’t, I already spent all of my money!” -“No worries mate” – said the first one: -“Will eat them without bread!”

Last night a blind chick came up to me and asked me out. I said I was seeing someone.