Category: one liner

It’s things like calling me a ‘compulsive liar’ which forced me to kill myself.

It’s funny how you never see Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Roy Keane in the same room?

When someone challenges me to a snowball fight at christmas, I always drink it before I throw the bottle at them.

It would be just like me to clone myself.

I think therefore I am. Descartes I drink therefore I am. Gazza I’m pink therefore I’m Spam. Tin of meat.

I think that if my surname was Pepper, I would make it my lifelong ambition to become a Sultan.

I was doing the dishes the other day. Such a lovely couple.

Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.

Is it just me who wants to see the “How It’s Made” episode on Adidas trainers?

My mate reckons I never pick up on his use of hyperbole. Well that’s an understatement.

I couldn’t believe it when my wife said I doubt everything she says.

Is it just me, or does three black women dancing in front of a white screen not make one the best music videos of all time?

Do people with circular beds always get out of bed in the morning in a good mood?

Simba was walking too slow, so I told him to Mufasa.

Is that a tic tac in your knickers or are you happy to see me?