Category: one liner

Say what you like about katie Price, but she has done wonders for the comedy business.

My mother and I were separated at birth.

I’ve been putting in the hours at my new job at Kwik-Fit, it’s tyring work.

Why is it, Whenever I say “I farted” people always sniff just to check.

What’s the difference between Christmas and Ramadan? At Christmas it’s the crackers that go pop

I could count on one hand the number of times I’ve changed the blades on my lawnmower and forgotten to turn the power off.

Today I went blind in one eye. I gotta say I’ve seen better days.

I was attacked by a Paki doing Martial arts. Must have been the Karachi Kid.

My Mum always said that my brother and I were like two peas in a pod. Disappointing

I tried joining a group of contortionists once but I didn’t really fit in.

You should have seen the smug look I gave my co-workers this morning, as I strolled into my 82nd floor office with a parachute strapped to my back

Ballistophobia – Fear of missiles or bullets… Has there ever been a more pointless word?

My nan is so lonely that when I told her Harold shipman was coming round she put the kettle on.

Yes I do specialise maths, ladies please form a y=mx+c.

If a fat kid falls over in the forest but there is no one around to hear them cry, is it still funny?.