Category: one liner

Im not lazy…..Im energetically challenged.

What does Hank Marvin say when he is hungry?

Lesbians are just in it for the the crack

I took the first job I was offered, with gocompare.com I was subsequently fired

I’m not saying Dad’s dandruff is bad, but the blokes at work call him Narnia.

major looting in glasgow ‘ just seen a jock breaking into a five pound note

Top tip: Psychic’s, drum up more business simply by calling random numbers to confirm next weeks appointment. If they question you simply ask them if they are psychic. When they say no just remind them who is.

How many Smiths fans does it take to change a light bulb? None, because they have a light that never goes out.

At first I hated my new hair cut……. It’s growing on me now

Deep throat…the women are gagging for it.

Feminism: making muslims look attractive since 1960.

I was mugged recently and I burst into tears and a Policeman came up to me and he said “I’m fining you 10.’ I said “For crying out loud.” He replied “Yes.”

On a whim I named my cat Hamburger Helper. The funny thing was it tasted like chicken.

I’ve used up all my sick days, so tomorrow I’m calling in dead.

Seven people share 45,000,000 in Liverpool. Still be thieving tomorrow.