Category: one liner

On a scale of Jordan to Jewish, how tight are you?

No matter how well I hid as a child, my Mum would always end up finding and beating me… At hide and seek.

My wife said she fancied going to a small c food restaurant so i took her to McDonalds

I don’t have any bad habits. I am good at all of them.

Al Qaeda planned to bomb Ritz?! Are they crackers??!!

My mums into role reversal, she puts the ham on the outside

Having a male gynaecologist is like going to an auto mechanic who doesn’t own a car.

I used to see this girl across the road from me but she closes her curtains now!

It’s not until after you’ve recited your wedding vows that you realise that it’s such a long sentence.

When asked which ‘Superpower’ I would have, invisibility is the clear choice.

The BRIT Awards – More mime’s than Covent Garden

Sickipedia is warning us against posting bandwagon jokes – so what are we supposed to do if U2’s tour bus crashes…?

The only thing you can believe in the papers is the date.

My Doctor thinks I’m taking hallucinogenic drugs… how do I know?… …let’s just say a little bird told me.

I was catching up with an old friend earlier when I thought, “He’s faster than he looks”.