Category: one liner

My wife has threatened to leave me unless I do more around the house. Looks like the tree is staying up a bit longer then.

I swear Cher Lloyd is a Primark version of Cheryl Cole

Women are alright but you can’t beat the real thing.

My New Year’s resolution is to stop leaving things so late.

I come from a small town whose population never changes. Every time a woman falls pregnant, someone leaves town.

The Lottery. Just a tax on hope.

my job is so secret, even i don’t know what i’m doing…

You know you’re having a disastrously depressing day when you half expect to run into Nicolas Cage.

A Policeman saved my life last night, he stopped hitting me with his baton.

They say laughter is the best medicine, so when I ask girls out they must think I am sick.

Reading quietly is not aloud.

Do you think the sickipedia server should apply to be on the weakest link?

My girlfriend complained at length about my Right-wing views. So I simply went and sat on the other side of the plane.

Apparently Gemma McCluskie’s agent has found lots of bit parts for her.

You can always find loads of birds in seedy places.