Category: one liner

I have four problems in life: counting, remembering and counting.

Has anyone else noticed that it is impossible to blow your nose without opening the tissue and having a good look at the contents?

To be honest, I’d have to stop telling lies.

Did anybody else laugh at the fact that Jamrags spelt Fritzl wrong?

Last night we ordered the cheeseboard to share between three people. We had a fromage trois.

I like to go up to people playing Solitaire at work and ask, “Who’s winning?”

I once sat and listened to the darkness for a whole hour. Then I thought “Hmm, maybe I should put some music on”.

I was going to make a joke about JD Salingers first name but my initial ideas were terrible

I’m not arrogant, I’m better than that.

One of my wives told me I’m oblivious.

My wife thinks I’m too critical. Thats a fault of hers.

Mixing cannabis with cod liver oil is bad for your joints.

It’s amazing how many albinos come off the missing persons list when the snow clears up.

Ever notice that life is just a series of distractions designed to get you out of bed?

Girls should be obscene and not heard