Category: one liner

Ironically the song Friday ruined my weekend.

A black guy came up to me at work earlier and said my coat was off the hook. I felt rather trendy till I realised it had just fallen on the floor.

Today my fashion statement is, “I missed a spot shaving.”

Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?

My friend was a pro at Russian Roulette- he only lost once.

I used to work making clocks, but after a 24hr shift I called it a day.

If Darren Bent is worth 24 million… …how much is Sandra Redknapp worth??

Just bought the “two minutes’ silence” for 79p of iTunes. Bargain.

McDonald’s: Making children easier to catch for three generations.

I felt guilty once but she woke up half way through

Liverpudlians, failing to make a stand since 15th April 1989!

My wife left me because I always sound like I’m building up to a punchline.

If I got a shilling for every time someone told me to eat with my mouth closed, I’d have a large amount of outdated money.

I was told that practise makes perfect, which is why I was never any good at anagrams

suicidal picture. hung itself.