Category: one liner

‘Pritt’ don’t make a very good lip balm. But I can’t complain

Daves’ face lit up when we shoved a torch down his mouth.

Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.

Anyone wanna go halves on a Portsmouth?

I use to work in a glue factory but i didnt stick with it

If only society were separated like laundry…

“Innuendo?” What is that, a brand of Italian suppositories?

Cubicles with signs on them are way out of order.

I hate going to B&Q, it’s full of tools.

Maths problems, the only place where someone can buy 60 watermelons and no one wonders why.

I hear the band Blue have got back together for a sell out gig. They went to see Gorillaz and had a great time.

If a man with no arms has a gun, is he armed?

The Wife has just turned over a new Leaf. She’s Crashed our Nissan Electric Car.

The area where i live is so rough McDonald’s have just opened their first drive by outlet.

I ordered a Long Sleeve England Football Shirt at 10% off. When it arrived it was a Short sleeve.