Category: one liner

I’m a big fan of incest, I get it from my dad.

My math teacher was teaching us about sine and cosine, but then he started going off on a tangent.

I’m standing up for my right to have disability benefits.

Isn’t it great when you gob on the beach? It just turns into a Haribo sweet.

No one will serve me in Argos. All I want is a watch with a leather strap on.

Nothing says ‘Obey Me’ like a severed head on a fencepost.

I wasn’t a very good Hairdresser. I didn’t read the Perms and Conditions.

Territorial Army: Part time soldiers, full time banging on about it!

Weight Watchers. Proudly making money out of miserable fat people for 47 years.

Put two and two together and you have a Siamese gang bang.

You know you are getting desperate when you start looking at the dog in a different way.

I got up on the wrong the side of the bed this morning and let me tell you it was dusty under there

Today, my maths teacher made work out 50 moving averages. I thought it was a pretty mean thing to do.

No wonder the whole of the United States are inbred, considering they’re all descended from their four fathers.

I was attacked by a Brazilian street gang once but managed to get away… close shave.