Category: one liner

Going to uni with a girlfriend is like taking a packed lunch to a chocolate factory

When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.

Remember, ladies: mouthwash is still cheaper than an abortion.

Lets play the ‘who can upload ‘mock the week’ jokes fastest’ game.

I was out collecting money for a sponsored walk last week… I collected so much that I got a taxi instead.

Not sure if anyone else is counting but it’s 75 days until I can bounce a child on my lap and not get called a paedophile……god bless Santa suits

After being under house arrest for the past 21 years, Aung San Suu Kyi has said she’d like a quiet night in following her release

I used to live in London as a baby. It was probably the worse diguise ever.

It takes alot of hands on training to become a professional masturbator.

When originally entered, the joke was:

My fiance lost a stone last week … She’s still fat, she’s just broke her engagement ring.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but try saying that with a picture.

Glue. It’s not to be sniffed at.

I don’t like being called a racist, I prefer ethnic critic.

They said Spurs would be top when pigs flu.