Category: one liner

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

I was on my luxury yacht with my girlfriend the other week, looking at sharks swimming around us. She squealed oh my god there big would they eat me whole? I said no they would spit that bit out..!

You know you’re a bad parent when you dip your kid in the bath water first, because you don’t want to scald your elbow.

You’re about as much use as the lid on a McFlurry.

And the 1,678,743’rd rule of monotony club is ……

Earthquakes: they really rock my world.

Apparently it’s rude to ask a woman her weight except when she was just born, but since I don’t boast about how many ounces the last thing that came out of my body was, neither should the mother.

Mexican funerals. Putting the sombre in sombrero.

If you stop to think about stuff, then driving’s not for you.

How funny is the tag example on the add joke page now?!

Statistically, Nein out of ten Germans are attractive.

A Lorry carrying Multi Purpose Cleaner has overturned on the Motorway. Locals say its the worst case of Flash Flooding that they’ve ever seen.

I splashed out on the wife, this Christmas. I gave her a pearl necklace.

I’ve started going to the Gym to workout. I’m trying to workout how to look good without lifting those big heavy bars.

I got so excited in French lessons that sometimes “oui” would come out