Category: one liner

An eye for an eye leaves us like Gordon Brown

“I’m flying without wings.” So you’re just walking then?

What’s my favorite thing about teenagers? Their little sisters.

You know you’ve got a problem when your second kid starts walking before your first.

My grandad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from Edinburgh zoo.

Let’s face the facts. Scented toilet paper is a battle that can never be won.

My eyes are frowned upon.

Just because you are unique does not mean you are useful

I’m going to loot some loreal products, because it’d be worth it.

I have a half-brother. We have the same parents, but he was born without legs.

The closest I’ve ever got to a threesome is having my dog in the room.

Sophie’s best bits? I’ve been staring at them for 93 days.

As a polygamist, my life won’t be complete until I find that special somefive.

Sickipedia one liners. Because we shouldn’t have to think up our own Facebook statuses.

I thought i saw an optical illusion but my eyes were playing tricks on me.