Category: one liner

I like to imagine that complete strangers are in awe of my athletic prowess as I double up on the stairs in public.

Lost my job at the Vicks Vapour factory yesterday and everyone keeps rubbing it in.

Has anyone seen my beachball? Last saw it in the north-east somewhere…

After a fight, my wife has banned me from getting on Stella. Luckily she doesn’t know about Katie.

My only fault is my low self-esteem.

The Microsoft Car didn’t live up to expectations on release date. Having too many windows open seems to make it crash.

Chickens… …stuff ’em.

If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.

Bad actors have their work cut out.

Every dog has its day…. Grab your coat, you’ve pulled.

I said to the missus that the Libya situation was looking messy. She went and got a shower.

Dont you just hate it when you slam your computer monitor down thinking that you’re on a laptop…

How does Stephen Hawking press to take a picture of himself? Print Screen

Nothing says ‘We’re a fun company!’ quite like comic sans.

I drove over a woman the other day, then I thought to myself “it couldn’t of been a woman”, I wasn’t in the kitchen.