Category: one liner

Oh nooos! Ive got caster wheels on my sofa. Does that mean its really a settee?

If Tetris has taught me anything, it’s that mistakes build up and successes fade away

How do you repair a damaged Toll Booth? Toll Gate Booth Paste.

My wife told me that she is leaving me due to my obsession with the Olympics. I told her i’m sure we’ll overcome this hurdle together and get our marriage back on track

Not sure about these new fish pedicures, it took ages just to get the nail polish on their fins.

There’s no point being pessimistic, it just won’t work

Everyone always calls me ignorant but I take no notice.

My wife’s so unfit she can’t even catch up with her sleep.

Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

Instead of a blanket ban on smoking in this country, the government should criminalise tobacco and legalise cannabis then no one will care if anyone is smoking.

Do women shake the petrol pump after filling up or is it just a man thing?

There are exceptions to every rule. Except this one.

I was so poor as a child. My Shoes were that worn that i could throw a Penny on the Floor, and then put my Foot over it and be able to tell whether it was Heads or Tails.

Living in a country where obesity is on the rise and skinny jeans are becoming a fad, I fear for the future.

My girlfriend says I’m too intimidating, but I think she flinches too easily.