Category: one liner

Went to the doctors today, he said i think you might have John McEnroe syndrome i said..YOU CAN NOT BE SERIOUS !

Believe it or not, but 100% of computer users die.

Pack Ease was not a good name for my removal company in hindsight

If I had a pound for every stray dog I kept, I wouldn’t have to put them in the garden shed.

The Great Wall Of China; The longest wall in the world but not one cash point.

I only shave one of my legs, because when I’m in bed, it feels like I’m sleeping with a woman.

Slinkys – about as much use as a fart in a sieve…and that’s saying something.

The guy who invented the computer chair was obviously not a masturbator.

So what’s it like to have voices in your head, I hear you ask.

I realised we were poor growing up when my mother said, “Don’t go spilling anything on the tablecloth, your father hasn’t read it yet.”

I was driving down a country road when this woman flagged me down. She came to my window and said “I could really use a lift” I said “you’re hairs lovely and you’ve lost weight” Then I drove off.

You know you spend far to much time using sickipedia when you find yourself giggling at the obituary page . . . .

Has anyone else noticed that its always the guys without girlfriends that win arm wrestles.

I hear the prices of hoovers has gone up, that sucks.

Pushed over a Muslim in a burka today, should have seen the look on her face…..