Category: one liner

Last night I got drunk and stole a Police helicopter… I’ve landed myself in it now.

A synanym is a word you use in place of one you can’t spell.

Anybody that thinks these jokes about Steve Jobs are too soon obviously havn’t been waiting for the iPhone 5.

Deliverance is the any good joke a key to.

Logik states that you have a cheap television.

I’ve never blasphemed, I swear to God.

I had to pull a few strings to get my job as chief tester at the tampon factory.

My Jewish neighbour hates to see anything go to waste. He was diagnosed with cancer last month, so he’s taken up smoking.

I was named after my father… I don’t really like the name ‘dad’ though.

As a cannibal, I always have a hearty breakfast.

Fact: If you want people to punch you in the face repeatedly, precede every statement you make by saying “fact”.

Morrissey: A man so depressed, the bottle hits him.

I bought some batteries the other day but they weren’t included.

To reach Millions of people, businesses should advertise on the “Latency Too High” page.

If love is blind, is lingerie considered Braille?