Category: one liner

People who go to bondage clubs are bound to enjoy it.

Is it only me who has noticed the Glory Sheikhers sat behind Alex Ferguson?

To me, good exercise is soaking in a tub, pulling the plug, and fighting the current !

I just walked into a woman with wonky eyes. She looked cross.

Towards the end of his career Steve Jobs had gone from entrepreneur to gaunter-preneur.

What men want in a relationship is to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

All socks should be sold in packs of 3 as a precaution against losing one.

You know you’re schizophrenic when you’re your own doctor.

Martin Luther King Jr, proving to terrified kids everywhere that your dreams CAN harm you since 1968.

I caused an uproar earlier when I put a lion in a hot air balloon.

My love for music will be the deaf of me

Why does a room full of married people look so empty? There’s not a Single person in it!

If partially sighted people want the right to drive combine harvesters, I’m not going to stand in their way.

America. The only country in history to have gone from exploration to degeneration without stopping at civilisation.

They say the best thing to do for a woman is to make her laugh. I’d feel better if I actually spoke before she started laughing.