Category: one liner

A rasher a day keeps the Muslims away.

Do deaf people get paranoid when farting in public?

The residents of San Francisco have sent a message of sympathy to the people of Haiti. They’re just glad it wasn’t their fault.

There was a story today in the papers about a train driver who had to retire due to his failing memory…. it was something along those lines

I should have never wished for better hindsight.

Two wrongs don’t make a right, but two Wrights make a plane.

Graff Jewellers security are muppets. What did they expect leaving a Denzel and Del Boy into the shop?

I was steering my Yacht with my stomach muscles. I was absailing.

I got turned down for a place in the local rifle club as they said I wasn’t the right calibre.

I am a great inventor. Four years ago I created a machine that can roll 97 joints in 1.4 seconds. I haven’t really done much since then to be honest.

I hope none of my friends die now, cause it would ruin sickipedia for me.

My wife was ill but she’s on the mend now …. darning my socks

Telling an emo girl who was crying to “cut it out”, probably wasn’t a great idea.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wayne. Wayne who? Wayne drops keep falling on my head…

Hitch-hiking gets my thumbs up