Category: one liner

Before I got into comedy, I was a plumber for 150 years – although that’s just an estimate

I bet it was an American who came up with the phrase `food for thought.`

The best thing about school girls is that as I get older, they stay the same age.

Moose knuckle. The ugly cousin of camel toe

I walked past a shop that was selling microscopes. So I went in for a closer look.

“Hi, my name is Vanessa George and I raised money for children in need, selling videos I made in my play school.”

It really shows the stupidity of the Americans when the Africans speak better English than they do.

Love can’t be bought. But you can rent it.

If you can’t read this, you’re illiterate.

My girlfriend said to me today, “Do you not find me attractive anymore?” I said, “you’ll have to speak up love, I can’t hear you through the bag.”

The last time I had so much fun, they said I wasn’t going to pull through.

I love having a mirrored ceiling, it gives me the opportunity to reflect on the naughty things I get up to.

I’m not going to make jokes from mixed metaphors – too many other people have milked that bandwagon already.

For sale: Braille dictionary, Must see to appreciate.

Me and my family really like our sandwiches but people give us funny looks when we say we’re inter bread.