Category: one liner

The Grim Reaper will never take me alive.

I sometimes call my local Indian takeaway just for a chat.

Anglo-Saxon, that’s about as multicultural as I am going to get.

There are II types of people in the world: those who understand Roman numerals and those who don’t.

I love pillows. They are fluffy, soft, and can be used to suffocate you.

RIP to Steve Jobs, who always lived life to the macs.

Apparently, Snake Bite will not kill you… Unless you are allergic to Cider.

A little birdie told me my golf skills are improving.

I was in the hospital for being too vain. So, I checked myself out.

I was talking to a hiker today but he just rambled on and on and on………

Physical scars last forever, mental scars only while you’re sober.

I love reunions; they’re old school.

Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

Every time i had a beer today i got the hiccups. I just kept looking at my misses so they’d go away.

Sometimes I agree with those people who tell me it’s time to grow up. Other times I hide in my pillow-fort where the big stinky doo-dooheads can’t get me.