Category: one liner

Revenge is a dish best served with laxatives.

The closest thing my wife gets to another man is Russell Hobbs.

For the first few weeks of joining Weight Watchers you’re just finding your feet.

In many ways Ireland are the winners of the 2012 Olympics because we don’t have to pay for it.

Service is so slow at my local Chinese restaurant, I’ve just had an Autumn roll delivered.

I once lived in a duck pond but had to move out. I couldn’t stand all the bills.

The grenade factory is the one place where being able to hear a pin drop is a bad thing

My wife gives good headache.

Why in a country of free speech are there phone bills?

University Challenge: getting up in the morning.

Anyone who thinks I’m confrontational should come and say that to my face.

I really should start saying “congratulations” instead of “are you keeping it?”

I’m a one line kind of guy But I can pop pills all night.

I’ve been single for so long I now get turned on if i see my right hand naked!

Eleventeen percent of people make up words.