Category: one liner

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.

If you nod her head, does it mean she’s given you consent?

Am I the only one that see’s the phrase “shatter-proof” written on stationary and thinks “we’ll see about that…”

It is better to have loved a short girl then to have never loved a tall.

Beauty, it’s only a light switch away.

Exaggerations went up by a million percent last year.

Isn’t it a coincidence that people run inside when there are black clouds?

Was driving around the neighbourhood where I grew up today. As I sat there, with the car in reverse, It really took me back.

Why is it that the minute I switch on my computer in the morning, I know that it will be a rather unproductive day?

Thanks to Sickipedia, Crispy and Google, I now know what H202 is.

So what happens to recycling bins when they’re not needed?

Your joke isn’t too offensive, it just offends people when you get a better score than them.

I didn’t want to be a Jedi like my father, but he forced me into it.

My wife is leaving me because my stories never make any sense. And that’s how I saved Christmas

I sang with Tom Jones once. He was on the radio, I was on the toilet.