Category: one liner

I wanted to be a milkman, I just didn’t have the bottle!!”

I can’t picture myself without a camera phone.

The hippos at my local zoo do great impressions of my wife.

Do incontinent optimists see their bladders as half-full?

Two psychics met for lunch, One said “You’re fine. How am I?”

I saw a dirty car earlier and couldn’t help but write ‘Cleaned by the NHS’ on the window.

To be perfectly honest, I only ever do over the statutory limit when I’m driving.

I get a bit of stick occasionally, being a glue sniffer.

You can find your way onto the underground fighting scene if you look hard enough.

Is it me or is it that Joseph Jackson looks like a black version of Josef Fritzl?

Did you ever skip the line for the dole just so you’re not late for work?

Tomorrow the wife goes for a twenty week scan. That’s brilliant. I won’t see her again until March 30th, 2012.

The Vice President resigned and that of course is Iranian for shot and thrown out of a car.

I wonder how many Jamrag’s T shirts have DUPLICATE on the back of them

Smith’s Scampi Fries – officially reminding men of that ex they will always regret.