Category: one liner

I understand that the difference between mudmen and mudwomen is mudflaps.

Statistically…10 out of 9 dividends are gross.

I turned my phone onto ‘Airplaine mode’ and threw it up into the air…. Worst transformer ever!

Obsessed, a word used by the lazy to describe the dedicated.

My internet history knows me too well.

I went for an interview to be a lifeguard at a nudist beach. I was really nervous, so I imagined them all with their clothes on.

All mushrooms can be eaten, some even more than once.

‘nice guys finish last’ Well that’s a first for me.

Anyone who kills a member of a boy-band deserves a life sentence for murder and an OBE for services to music.

I spashed out on a new car the other day, but the garage owner made me clean it off.

What’s Woody’s favourite Drink? Bud Light Beer.

I was a whisker away from winning ‘Beard of the Year’ recently.

my friend got bit my a mosquito.. it was malariaous

I’m the kind of person who runs around a graveyard to give myself a sense of oneupmanship.

My friends say I always contradict them, but I disagree.