Category: mythical

Sanitary towels; Dracula’s teabags.

Went to a zombie party last night. It was dead at first but eventually things started coming alive.

Went to the library today and asked have you got any books on mysterious disappearances? The librarian said ” Well, they used to be over there……”

My girlfriend told me that I need to treat her like she is something precious… So I threw her into a Volcano.

Snoop Dogg: I want to be a vampire. Well he sucks already……..maybe he means he wants to be white.

I went out thieving with a couple of vampires the other day. They put me up on their shoulders so I could reach stuff. I got arrested and charged with shoplifting on two counts.

What’s A Vampires’ Version Of A Lollipop? A Used Tampon.

Where do vampires go for a pint? At the Haemoglob-Inn!!

I was attacked by a couple of vampires last night. In an effort to distract them, my girlfriend bravely cut her arm. Her plan worked, the vampires could smell the blood in the air and turned their attention to her. Luckily, I was able to use this opportunity to put my hands in my pockets […]

How tragic would it be if a vampire got AIDS off of one of it’s victims?

Did you hear about the dyslexic zombie? He ate Brian.

Zombies….if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.

I just bought a great DVD/CD burner it’s great, just one small problem, it only burns Twilight DVDs or Justin Bieber CDs. However on the plus side, if I have a girl over, it also doubles as a fireplace.

I did something really stupid last night and now I can’t even look myself in the mirror. I should never have told that vampire she could bite me.

Shrewd move by Hollywood film bosses to film parts of World War Z in Glasgow. Why spends millions on extra’s dressed up a flesh eating, mindless crazy fools when you can just video kicking out time in the pubs?