Category: mythical

Naked Vampires. They don’t like cloves.

I’m in a cover band for The Zombies. We never perform live.

One of my cats is called Maddie. Literally just for the grave stone in the garden when she dies.

I told my vampire friend I had a cure for his affliction. He thought he would never see the day.

So with the new Twilight movie out, i’ve been getting asked by loads of my friends whether i’m “Team Edward” or “Team Jacob”. I decided to not watch any of the movies, and opted for “Team Life”.

I took out four zombies with my baseball bat last night,and unbelievably the Police have put me up on a murder charge. I honestly didnt realise it was my wife and her friends with face packs on.

I bet Dracula does all his shopping online, just so he can keep clicking on ‘Your Account’.

Given the speed at which the human body actually decomposes in the open air, and is completely eaten away by flies, maggots, and bacteria, it seems that all we have to do to survive the zombie apocalypse is just stay indoors for a few days.

Stephenie Meyer likes Team Edward! and Eating Alone.

I’ve just finished revamping my bedroom. Buffy made such a mess trying to slay me. Mind you, she can try again anyday.

I just saw that they ‘ve launched a “Twilight” fragrance range, Now you too can smell like the undead.

I asked Medusa if she’d just had her hair done. If looks could kill.

A vampire walks into a bar, “Pint of blood, landlord.” he says. The barman gives him his order. A second vampire walks into the bar, “Pint of your finest blood, please.” he says. Again, the barman pours his order. A third vampire walks into the bar and says, “A mug of hot water, barman.” The […]

I married a woman who turned out to be a vampire. I loved her and was prepared to go along with most of the changes it meant to our lifestyle but I just couldn’t see myself in a house without mirrors.

Twilight, taking the “n” out of “vampire fangs” since 2007