Category: money

I’ve been fired from my job at the bank after they investigated my dealings. By all accounts I’m guilty.

Last year I became a Stock broker. This year I’m a lot broker.

I’ve found a way to save a fortune on expensive repairs whenever my engine starts making a funny noise. I just turn the radio up full blast and carry on driving.

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

My friend said I could save a bit of money by going to Iceland for my grocery shopping. I hope he’s right, the plane ticket cost a fortune.

I just went to change some pounds into dollars at the bank and they gave me an IOU.

A man has given 1.3 million to his friend after winning the lottery. That’s proper friendship, not like my supposed best mate, palming me off with a lousy kidney.

When a cab takes you home at night, the driver always rummages around in the change for ages hoping you’ll give up and say, “Keep the change.” See how much they like it when it takes you ten minutes to find the door handle.

Ok…I know I have a history of not paying back money that I owe but give me some credit.

The Koreans have created a glow in the dark dog using cloning techniques. Seriously guys, why spend $3m on this when the fridge already has a light on it?

They say money can’t buy happiness. Not once have I seen a tramp with a smile on his face.

When they want to make an area graffiti proof, why don’t they just coat the area with the paper you get on the back of credit cards? It’s the only material in the world that is totally impossible to write on.

There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, “When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. […]

The Bank of England have announced that it will take “A Generation” to pay off the National Debt. Well I’m not fussed, thanks to our country’s young slappers, that will be in twelve to thirteen years then

I gave my son a piggy bank for his birthday, “you’ll thank me for this when you’re grown-up and getting married” I told him. “Is it so I can save up and treat my future bride to the wedding day of her dreams?” He asked. “No son, I just want you to get used to […]