Category: money

I’ve just seen the couple who won the Euromillions. They are fat and Scottish and old and look like they could be brother and sister and I’m not bitter in the slightest!

If I had a pound for everytime someone said if I had a pound……

The treasury have said cash-in-hand work costs them billions of pounds every year. You’d think they’d set a good example and pay VAT like the rest of us.

I had a meeting with my bank manager to discuss charges to my account but he was ten minutes late. He said, “I’m sorry about this. Shall we start?” I said, “I’m afraid that your excuse is unacceptable. I’m going to have you charge you thirty five quid for the first minute you were late […]

I’ve thought it through and through and finally decided that dwelling on my past is not appropriate and I need to look towards the future.. So, if I owe you money, I’m sorry.

My mates called me stingy so I decided to buy them a beer. Turns out they wanted one each.

Latest News: The Greek football team returned to their hotel In South Africa to find they had been robbed. Their government really is getting desperate.

I always stop at the petrol station on the way to work on a Monday morning and fill up… Who wouldn’t shed a tear looking at those prices.

I’ve always thought scottish money was like monopoly money… but accepting a get out of jail free card, that really does take the biscuit!

Notice how they have only started to show Wonga.com adverts now everyone has a wide screen TV ? Presumably it is so they can fit the APR figure in at the bottom of the screen.

My bank manager doesn’t give my business ideas the credit they deserve.

You know it’s bad when you receive a letter from Blockbuster saying you owe a late fee for a VHS rental

You know you’re skint when you’re asking your sink for a tap

A farmer once told me that manure smells like money. I said, “Maybe you should keep your wallet in your front pocket.”

Gift Tokens. Preventing your errant Grandson from spending his Christmas money on drugs and knives since 1932.