Category: money

A beggar asked me for 50P for a sandwich. I said, “First let me see the sandwich.”

The war on poverty is being lost. It seems that for every Third World country we invade another one pops up.

If money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?

Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, the Nigerian candidate for the post of President of the World Bank has had her application turned down by the selection body in the USA. Maybe she shouldn’t have started her introductory letter with: “Dear Friend, My father is a Nigerian General…”

I’m a big fan of RAKs – randoms acts of kindness. For example, I was walking past an old lady’s house down my road yesterday and spotted a fantastic wardrobe outside her house with a note on it saying, “Please take!” I was so pleased with it I went down her house this morning and […]

My Mum says I need to learn the value of money, but I don’t see the point. It’s written on the side of it.

I was buying a money printing machine off a mate earlier but we couldn’t agree on a price, He ended up knocking off two hundred quid…

America has reached a total national debt of 14.3 Trillion. They only asked Wonga for 200 until the end of the month.

Times were tough last year, and on Christmas morning, my son woke up and opened his only present. “But, but, I wanted a Transformer,” he said with tears in his eyes. “This…This is a brick.” “Transformers,” I said, “they’re robots in disguise aren’t they?” He nodded. “Well, it’s in disguise.”

My wife said “I’m leaving. You know the price of everything but the value of nothing”. “Take the bus love, it’s cheaper than a taxi.”

The British chambers of commerce expects the economy to “Bounce back” in 2010. That’s all well and good, but all my cheques are going to bounce next week.

“Maths for Dummies!” Ten pounds, or three for thirty-five quid!

Apparently there are no Greece fans watching the game against Poland. They cant even afford to pay attention.

My mate introduced me to a Money Making Scheme that 100% guarantees payout. It’s called a Job.

Just got a text from O2 reading, “O2: Don’t forget you’ve got until 07/07/09 to top-up and repay the 1.00 calltime you borrowed, otherwise we’ll have to charge you 0.25 Terms@o2.co.uk” I think I’ll just wait and pay the 25p fee.