Category: money

I received a bill in the post today from British Gas telling me that my last bill was outstanding. So I rang them up to say thanks and when do I receive my certificate?

I tape popcorn to the ceiling. It’s cheaper than a smoke alarm.

I was complaining to a mate about the cost of living. “How much are they asking for your rent now?” he asked. “About three times a week” I said.

Researchers found that you are more likely get germs from money than any other object. Then how come poor people aren’t healthier

Headline from the Daily Express ‘2 Million Pound Benefits for Dad of 10’ Good luck to the guy, but should we be paying these huge amounts of money to somebody his age?

I’ve written a small poem about optimism. It’s going to make me a billionaire.

I won a load of money in the bookies yesterday and my mate said, “I hope you’re going to spread the wealth then.” “Of course I will.” So I put some in my back pocket, some in my top pocket and the rest in my wallet.

The best things in life are free, plus tax.

Bank balances are like Sickipedia jokes. They only get read if it doesn’t have a minus in front of it.

Just joined that new American bank. The Nationswide.

Brilliant! I have just been to my local cash machine to withdraw 20 and afterwards it stated ‘You have not been charged for this transaction’. That’s great! Normally they take 20 out of my account when I do that! I shall certainly be going there again!

Me and my girlfriend are getting married soon, but she wants me to sign a pre-nuptial agreement before we do. That’s fine, but seeing as she’s a millionairess, I can’t work out why she would want anything of mine.

I was asked to contribute money to help solve the civil unrest in Egypt, but I suspect it’s some sort of pyramid scheme

Just signed for a mortgage. Only 25 years and all the petrol in my fuel tank will be mine.

Yahoo News: ‘we reveal the secret to being rich’ having lots of money?