Category: money

I hate the useless junk mail my bank keeps sending me. This morning, I got a paying-in book.

If I had three farthings, two shillings and sixpence for every time my gran moaned about the metric system…

i told my wife i had come into some money and i was going to let her spend it all… you should have seen her face when i gave her two ten pounds notes stuck together..

My wife and I have now accepted each other in an intimate way that will make us truly one, but I think I am going to regret it. We have just got a joint bank account.

With inflation on the rise, it’s encouraging to see that the fine for pulling the emergency chain on trains is 50, exactly the same as it was in 1962. Thats what I call value for money.

I used to enjoy working in a bank, but recently I’ve lost interest.

I’ve just bought a pub for a pound. Bar gain.

Thought I’d give the stock market a go earlier. I bought an oxo cube.

A black man stopped me and asked for a pound for the bus fare home! I gave him a score and told him to take his family with him!

Two Jews walking down the street, one finds a wage packet. He opens it and starts crying. His friend says, “What are you crying for, you’ve just found a wage packet?” “Yes, yes,” he cries, “But you should see the deductions.”

Taught an American about small currency exchange rates. Took a while but the penny dropped eventually.

Tell you what I’m losing interest in. My mortgage.

According to economists, Apple currently has more money than the American government. I don’t think they’ve got their statistics quite right there, the old tramp playing the spoons outside Waterloo station currently has more money than the American government.

I was never around when my son was growing up but I’ve been trying to make it up to him recently. Well, he needs someone to look after him. There will be a lot of people trying to take advantage when they find out about his 127m lottery win.

“Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?” Not so fun in Zimbabwe…