Category: modern life

Putting on ice skates, the closest thing to walking in high heels a man can get.

So few people now buy CD singles that Scotch have managed to score a Top 10 hit with ‘Laser Lens Cleaner’.

So Apple are yet again moaning that someone has an apple in their logo. So what next? Take Granny Smith to court?

I’ve been invited to my mate Kyles wedding this weekend, and as I’m a single bloke, I’m going to be hiring an escort to go with. I can’t wait to see how many bridesmaids I’m gonna pull when I roll up outside the church in it.

Bring chess into the 21st century by desegregrating the black and white pieces sitting in either side.

I’m not usually one for silly marketing gimmicks but whilst in the pub last night I used my ‘Track Your Bud’ app to trace the origins of the bottle of Budweiser I had just drunk. It turns out that the guy next to me at the bar had been quite justified punching me in the […]

Why do hipsters hate zombies? They preferred them when they were underground.

Human being | (H)yoo man bee ing) | n. A creature who cuts trees, makes paper, and writes ‘Save Trees’ on the same paper.

Changing your profile picture to a cartoon character to prevent child abuse is like changing your picture to a treadmill to prevent obesity

I’m going to make some changes in my marriage. I’m starting with the locks.

Life is a struggle. Humans are constantly creating technology that is more idiot proof, the universe is constantly creating better idiots. Thus far the universe is winning.

You’d have thought that Goths would have realised that dressing the same as each other isn’t non-conformist.

As I lay there in the road with bits of my body spread all around me, I offered up a silent prayer for death to take me and for the agonizing pain to stop. I couldn’t believe it when I heard a reply; “Welcome to Heaven” Blissfully, I said, “I’m ready to be taken now. […]

My tom tom says “Estimated Arrival Time.” I hear “Time to Beat.”

I was in an interview and the guy told me he didn’t think I was very ’employable’. I was so shocked I nearly choked on my second can of Special Brew.