Category: misunderstanding

“Doctor, my wife has severe pain in her appendix!” “Nonsense!” says the doctor. “I removed her appendix three years ago. Not a single person in the world has a second appendix.” “That may well be true, but some people have second wives.”

My mate said to me “Hey, I saw your missus down at the car boot sale this morning. She drives a hard bargain!” “Don’t be stupid, it’s a Nissan Micra” I replied.

Just before my father died, he gave me his Grandfather Clock. He said “Son, I want you to treat it as you would a woman.” So, I dragged it upstairs, came on it’s face, then broke one of it’s arms for not making me a sandwich.

I wouldn’t go on the dole for all the money in the world.

I was nervous at first. It was big & long and went straight up. I had to try it…I eased myself onto it and I liked it. I went up and down, up and down. I love escalators now!

We were walking down the street when a hooded youth popped up from nowhere, grabbed my wife and put a knife to her throat. He looked at me and said, “Give me all your money or she gets it!” I replied, “She already has all my money.”

These Adalia Rose jokes are getting old really fast, ironically so is she.

I asked the wife earlier what she wanted for Christmas. “Oooh, I don’t know. Maybe something cool, sparkly and tasteful,” she said with a wink. Excellent I thought. Bottle of 7 Up it is then.

I asked my mum what she wanted for her birthday. She said she wanted a sky box. As luck would have it I’ve just had sky fitted and I have still got the box.

My mate said to me, “Have you ever thought about just packing a suitcase, leaving everything behind and starting again somewhere new?” I said, “There’s no way I could do that!” “Why, because you love your wife and kids?” “No, I don’t have a suitcase.”

I said to my senile grandad “I’m a black belt in Karate” “Which Dan are you?” He asked. “Your youngest daughters son!” I replied angrily.

My local estate agent offered to sell my house for free. Now I have no money and nowhere to live.

I saw a man wandering into the woods behind my house last night wearing an old hockey mask and carrying a machete. Hope he found his way home…poor fella.

My wife asked me to pick her up after work last night. Apparently, me driving by her office slowly and asking her “How much for a blowie?” was not what she meant.

Java Diner- I’m told one of Reverend Spooner’s favorite places to eat.