Category: misunderstanding

I went into a hotel looking for a room for the night. The Innkeeper says “The room is 15 a night. It’s 5 if you make your own bed.” I replied “I’ll make my own bed.” Innkeeper says “Good. I’ll get you some nails and wood.”

Just saw a bloke sucking petrol out of a car through a hose pipe, it made me think I hope I never get that thirsty.

The only park near enough for me to take my son has a reputation for being a haunt for paedophiles and perverts! This morning I sat as my son was on the climbing frame, and as he climbed higher I called for him to stop and come down being your typical kid he wouldn’t do […]

I’ve seen tweets like “North London is Red”, & “North London is White” which is odd as I’ve seen the demographics. North London is mostly black.

Last night,me and my girlfriend were having a romantic candlelit dinner in a luxury restaurant. I said to her “I love to take you out for dinner, make you sit beside the candle, shower you with roses and utter those three magical words in your ears ” Excitedly she said “oh I can’t wait to […]

I looked out of our window today and said to the wife… “It’s like rush hour outside” “What, lots of traffic?” She replied “No, there’s a black and Chinese guy running down the road in pursuit of a criminal.”

I can’t believe that Ken Barlow has admitted to sleeping with over 1000 women. Poor Deirdre must be mortified.

I got really drunk at a fancy dress party last night. Most of the night was a blur, but I kind of remember getting off with a girl dressed as a St Bernard. It was a very convincing costume, she even had a basket in the kitchen.

So there I was, having my last meal. The priest came in and read me my last rights. I was shackled and led down ‘the green mile’. All the other inmates were quiet and subdued. The tension in the air was so tense…it was horrible. I was led in to a dark room, in complete […]

My parents kept saying it was traditional for the men to be at the birth of the first born in our family, so I did think it strange? My cousin’s reaction when I arrived in the maternity room .. and his wife’s.

I got thrown out of a restaurant in America the other day. Apparently it wasn’t the kind of tip she wanted.

My wife and I got into a huge fight yesterday, I had a black eye and a fractured rib and my wife had a concussion. I don’t think we’re going to enter the doubles WWE next year.

In London, one man to another: “You know, my daughter has married an Irishman” “Oh, really?” “No, O’Reilly”

Working my usual shift at DFS, I was showing this posh couple around. “Have you decided what to buy for your TV room yet then?” I asked. “Not so far” the man replied. “Well, they’re more comfortable than chairs” I said.

“Never dip your pen in the company ink son.” Cheers Dad, that little piece of advice got me the sack on my first day at the registry office.