Category: misunderstanding

I think I’m finally getting the hang of being a policeman. Just last week I was stationed at the city mall when a woman came up to me, screaming: “Officer, I lost my son!” I calmly put my hand on her shoulder and told her: “I’m sorry to hear that ma’am. Tonight in the pub, […]

Me and my wife were in Saudi Arabia and after seeing some temple she exclaimed ” well, stone me!” It was a shame that those Arabians did it before me.

I got attacked by a shark yesterday. My mate said, “Did you punch it on the nose?” I said, “No, he just attacked me for no reason”

That Frank bloke knows nothing about drugs, he couldn’t even tell me where I could score some good hash.

The girlfriend asked me if I ever thought about having children. Apparentley ‘in every position imaginable’ was not an appropriate response.

I dont understand why everyone is so upset about the kids cage fighiting, I go to somewhere similar all the time, it’s called a Wacky Warehouse

It’s non-uniform day at the school I work at tomorrow. I’ll finally get to see some naked children in the flesh.

While I was away on a business trip, the wife phoned me up. She told me she was masturbating and then she told me to tell her something hot. She put down the phone when I told her magnesium burns at 2200 degrees.

I went into the ‘Psychics’ tent at the fair. After an hour long lecture on thermodynamics, I wished I’d read the sign more carefully.

CNN NEWS: “Seal Kills Bin Laden” What a career change eh! From international pop star to.. international hitman.. Well, suppose if anyone can… a black man can!

My wife was ill so asked me to go to the shop and get her a magazine. I asked, “What magazine do you want?” She said, “Can you get Closer?” I said, “Oh I’m Sorry…… What magazine do you want?”

My long term girlfriend said its time to do the honourable thing by going to ask her father for his hand in marriage…. I did but turns out he’s already married to her mother

“Hey, I’m 8 and a half inches, lets meet up?” Sorry, I don’t hang around with midgets

I was working at a Zoo when a man came up to me “Can you tell me where the Lion enclosure is please?” “Bear with me” I replied “Ok” he said And then the bear I was feeding tore his face off

I’ve been really confused by adverts for this crime thriller novel all over train stations at the moment. It goes: “He washed them, he dressed them…but first, he killed them” Sounds like the biography of a confused seafood chef to me.