Category: misunderstanding

The cost of living is very high in a household like mine…. My kids have had to get jobs selling lemonade and if they don’t give me all the money they earn, they die.

My wife sent me out to get a baby monitor for our newborn. I got a 24 inch from Argos, it was the smallest they had.

“Can we do a roleplay for my French oral?” my 16 year old daughter asked me. “We certainly can” I said, as I pulled my trousers down.

My wife’s been saying she’d love to meet a real-life Mr Grey. Stupid cow should’ve paid more attention when we watched Reservoir Dogs.

Bizarrely, my son has asked for a Wizard outfit for Christmas. I didn’t even know he was a fan of Glam Rock.

My black neighbour knocked on my door this morning, “Can I borrow your lawnmower?” He asked. I said, “Don’t worry, I’ll do it for you.” Next morning my neighbour saw me walking into the second hand shop with my mower in hand. “What are you doing?” He asked. “Oh, is this not what you were […]

My housework-challenged husband wanted to wash his sweatshirt. He shouted to me “What setting do I use on the washing machine?” “What does it say on your shirt?” I called back. He yelled “University of Cambridge.”

I was online earlier when i saw a link which read “Jennifer Lopez in Victoria Beckham.” You can imagine my disgust when i clicked on it only to see J-Lo wearing a dress.

Skinny Jeans. For guys who took “I got in her pants” the wrong way.

I thought my children had featured in an OK magazine. But not according to the police.

‘Teen Gang Given 74 Years For Stabbing Death’ With a name like that she was asking for it.

My wife first fell for me when I showed her how good I was in the bedroom department…. ….although I think she really just wanted me for my Ikea employee discounts.

flying is simple. You just throw your self at the ground and miss.

So play parks are a paedophiles paradise are they? Nonsense. I’m just back and it was just a bunch of kids playing on the swings.

I tried hard not to laugh when I realised that my mate didn’t know the difference between a paediatrician and paedophile. Then I asked to be left alone to complete the examination on his son.