Category: misunderstanding

Black men, without an additional 4 inches, you won’t impress anybody. Kids have been seen holding a 32 inch.

I’ve recently moved with my family to a new area and thought I’d try some of the local pubs. I walked in to the Bulls Head and asked the barman, “Are kids allowed in here mate?”. “Yes, until 8pm”, he replied. “Great”, I said, as I ushered my young goat in, “What about Foals?”.

It didn’t turn out as expected when my boss told me I was going to be his right-hand man.

A guy standing next to me at the Cheltenham festival said, “I quite fancy that horse over there.” I said, “Forget it pal, she’s way out of your league.”

My baby sister has gone missing and apparently it’s my fault. My Mum asked me to babysit whilst she nipped out and I made it very clear that I don’t mind.

The wife said she wished I was more spontaneous. She soon changed her mind when I launched the TV out of the window during Emmerdale.

“And where do you think you’re going?” my boss asked. “Just off to the toilet.” “With that urgent report still not finished? Please tell me you can pull it off in ten minutes?” “It won’t take that long, I promise. And is tomorrow afternoon OK for that report?”

Drinking ‘no more tears’ shampoo has actually taken my mind off of being depressed! And put it on vomitting, diarrhea, and stomach cramps.

My brother lost his job last month. I texted him yesterday to ask what he wants for his birthday. ‘Couple of bucks would certainly come in handy,’ he replied. Two quid it is, then.

I was pushing my daughter around town when an old friend approached us. “wow, hasn’t she come on?” He said. “Of course not, she won’t have her first period for years” I replied.

I was always told to follow my dreams, and since I do nothing but dream about the fit young blonde next door, it doesn’t make me a stalker.

I met this gorgeous girl and we hit it off immediately. “I have to warn you though,” she said, “I’m a nymphomaniac.” “That’s OK,” I said, “I’ll make sure you don’t set any houses on fire.”

Moroccan 1500 meters runner Mariem Alaoui Selsouli has been barred from entering the Olympics, after testing positive for dope. Suspicions were first raised during training, when she ran off towards the corner shop and came back with fourteen Kit-Kats.

I ran into my new boss this morning, “Are you looking forward to your first night working in my restaurant.” He asked. “I can’t wait.” I replied. He said, “Oh! It says you can on your CV.”

I drove a fit drunken girl home in my taxi tonight, and when we arrived at her house, she told me she had no money, but could settle the debt in another way as she began to slide her knickers down past the skimpy little skirt she had on. “Sorry luv,” I replied, “You’re going […]