Category: misunderstanding

The wife told me earlier that I was small in the trouser department. I think she’ll find my inside leg is an average size actually.

I’m here at the racecourse betting my life savings. I’m sure to win: the race is at two in the afternoon and the bookmaker just told me that my horse starts at ten to one.

My Brother-in-law told me he was going out for a run in his new car later. How posh is that? A treadmill in your car.

I was at the bar the other night nursing a beer My nipple got quite soggy

If it’s dark in the bedroom, it may take several minutes for me to find the hole and even a few more minutes to stick it in correctly. My wife can’t stand it when I try to charge my mobile in bed.

A friend of mine recently told me that women love grey hair. Great, I thought, I’ve got a few, so as I got ready for a night out, I combed it, and waxed it, and really thought I looked the part. I didn’t pull that night. It appears that nasal hair is a turn off.

My Grandad got a plate in his head during the war. I think the Germans must have ran out of bullets.

I was at a family wedding watching my wife going mad on the dance floor when a bloke came over. “Looks like your wife’s had a few too many!” he laughed. I laughed too and said, “Yes, well the local bakery had special offers on all pies this week!”

“So, I know you ‘gotta catch ’em all’, but what happens if you don’t?” I asked. “Well, there are 151 Pokemon in total, but you’ll never get them all without hunting down the rare ones” he replied. “Many of the 151 Pokemon in your Pokedex can’t be caught at all, and will need to be […]

“You’d make an ideal lesbian” I said to my wife. “Why?” She said, “Is it because I’m a gentile lover?” “No” I replied, “You’re fat and have spiky hair.”

“I think it’s time to stop playing catch with our daughter and come in for dinner,” said my wife. “Why? I thought you said I should spend more time with her,” I asked. “I did. But you keep dropping her,” she replied

What’s the most confusing part of the day for the medical staff in a Sikh hospital ? Visiting time at the head injury clinic.

I just saw that most bandages are sterilised. They must not be doing that great a job at it. There’s little bandages all over this shelf.

What if the first person to say, ‘Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit’ Was being sarcastic..

I was walking down the high street when a guy came up to me. “Excuse me sir.” he said, “I’m doing a survey, would you like to take part?” I replied, “No thanks, standing around with a clipboard asking questions to strangers isn’t really my thing.”