Category: misunderstanding

After a lovely date with a gorgeous blonde, I dropped her back at her house. As she got out the car she smiled and said “Give me a ring tomorrow” I put my foot down and sped off as quick as possible. There’s no way I’m ready for that kind of commitment after just one […]

My son came home in tears after school. He said, “I got bullied today, the children stuck my head down a badger’s hole.” “Right,” I angrily replied, “Tell me where they live!” He said, “They’re on the school field.”

A woman asked me to make a donation for the innocent victims of war today. I gave her a pocket full of shrapnel.

When I was a kid my Mum always used to say “Be a good boy and go and play with all the other children”. I can’t be blamed for her not telling me when to stop.

I was sat on a busy train with my satchel on the seat next to me. An old woman approached and said sarcastically, “Your bag must be exhausted”. “Sorry” I replied. “I’ll move it”. So I turned to my pregnant wife standing nearby and suggested she check the next carriage.

I was chatting up a girl and told her that I had a power station in my pants. She was very impressed until I showed her what it had done to my genitals

A young guy turns up at a hotel reception: “I’d like a single room, please.” “Certainly, sir,” says the receptionist. “With bath or shower?” The guy is a bit short of cash, so he asks, “What’s the difference?” “You have to stand in the shower,” says the receptionist.

The wife woke me up all excited this morning, wanting to know if I had rememered. “Why don’t you go down stairs and have a look?” I smiled. “Oooh you big tease!” she giggled before running off. I might have had to get up early to sort everything out, but I bet she remembers this […]

I turned to my mother and said, “I think i’ve finally found the one”. She started screaming in joy “CONGRATULATIONS!” Didnt know someone could get so excited about soduko.

A mate who lives near Oxford rang me up this morning. “Whitney’s dead!” he exclaimed. “Move somewhere more exciting then,” I replied.

I’m so proud of my daughter. She was competing in a Cross Country race today and I was worried about her ability to finish, but my doubts were dispelled by what i overheard some lads on the bus saying. Apparently she went “all the way.”

My girlfriend says I behave like a dog in our own house. Just because I leave the toilet-seat up after I’ve had a drink from it.

my boss just she told me she loved to see me hard at work… think i might have misunderstood

“Well, I’m not so sure…” I hesitantly admitted. “Please, think of the children otherwise doomed to grow up in poverty!” he pleaded. Dad narrowly managed to convince me to get an abortion.

My Nan asked me to take her shopping today. I was always brought up to respect your elders, so I grabbed her trolley and legged it.