Category: misunderstanding

Jeopardy: A: Rabbi’s Q: Something you get from a Jewish dog, foaming at the mouth?

A friend asked, “What’s the best thing you’ve ever seen on tv?” I said, “Faulty Towers.” “Ha ha ha” He laughed, “That was funny, They weren’t faulty though. Some Muslims flew planes into them.”

I met a Nigerian man in the pub last night who told me that he is in charge of the 419. I didn’t believe him though; he looked far too rich to be a bus driver.

I was listening to some loud music when my mum asked me to turn the speakers down. They are now facing the floor.

I went into the Little Girl’s room at the cinema yesterday. There were no girls, just toilets.

I took a girl out to dinner tonight and when we’d finished she said, “I’ve had a lovely time, let’s go Dutch.” I replied, “I’ve had a great time to, but I’m going to go French.” She said, “What’s French?” It was then I ran away from the restaurant.

The Government is to introduce compulsory microchips for all dogs in England. Morons. My Rover only likes Pedigree Chum.

Apparently I’m an underachiever. I wish I knew what it meant.

I thought I’d see what all the fuss is about, and try snorting some ‘bath salts’ to get high. All that happened was I got myself kicked out of The Body Shop.

The wife was complaining last night that I never treat her, so as soon as she was fast asleep, I painted her in Creosote.

i was doing a crossword and asked my mate what 6 down was- “Combustion is rife”. “Fire” he said. And that misunderstanding is what led to me losing my job as a gunner in the Royal Navy.

I came home from work today and my wife said, “I think I’ve exceeded my bandwidth.” “Don’t worry love,” I replied, “I’ll buy you a larger skirt tomorrow.”

My wife loves her handbags. She’s got loads of them, all “designer”, for every conceivable occasion. But for some reason, she hates me referring to her as “the Bag Lady”.

I was chatting to my neighbour this morning, and he said i used to have loads of birds flocking into my garden but now i dont, i’ve tried everything to encourage them to come back. He looked puzzeled when i suggested, Have you tried giving away expensive shoes and free samples of Blue Wkd.

My wife’s fed up of her hairy legs, so she’s asked me to get her an epilator. I don’t see how someone having a fit is going to help.