Category: misunderstanding

My mum was impressed with my newly completed bathroom, but suggested I get a toilet brush? I’m not so sure.. having used it for the first time today, I can honestly say I prefer toilet paper.

When the girl I’ve been dating invited me up to her flat for a coffee I thought that my luck was in, but I’ve never been so disappointed. She only had decaffeinated.

My Blonde Wife just asked me, “Whats the scariest movie you have ever seen?”. I replied, “Our Wedding Video is pretty scary”. She said, “Whats it about?”.

On parents evening our sons nursery teacher told us that our child’s brain is like a sponge… I thought it best to stick to the story that I accidentally dropped him.

I went to the local A.A. meeting earlier. After sitting there for a couple of hours, I thought to myself “I wish these people would stop crying about alcohol so I can get around to fixing my cracked fuel manifold gasket.”

I just phoned to see if my poor old mum had got home alright from shopping, after today’s torrential downpour. My dad answered and said, “Yes, she’s just come in absolutely drenched, shall I put her on the line?” I said, “No, let her dry out by the fire.”

Nestle have abandoned their new KitKat advertising campaign in the planning stages, after realising that the slogan “Give a Friend a Finger” has a vast potential for misinterpretation.

My wife shouted upstairs, “Don’t forget we’re taking my mother out today.” I shouted back, “I know, I’m just cleaning my gun.”

I went and brought an attractive young girl to mine yesterday. Seems a waste, but that gold has to be dug up one way or another.

I was at the safari park when I went into the tuck shop and said to the cashier… “Yazoo?” “Number one, this is a safari park.” “Number two, do I look like I own the place?”

My Jamaican mate asked me if I fancied collecting beer cans Although confused, i agreed. Ive got 20 smoked rashers soo far.

A Muslim and a Jew are waiting at a bus stop. The Muslim says “When’s the bus due?” The Jew replies “Alright now lets not be racist”

I was talking to a friend at work who said they wake up an hour early so they can put make-up on. I couldn’t believe it! He does look good though.

I’m all in favour of enforcing the no fly zone in Lybia but I have to ask should we really be messing with a country that has flying tanks?

My girlfriend text me before, saying, “I think I have got a Sti” I said, “I am so sorry, I cheated on you, I have one too” Just as I pressed send, another one came through, “Sorry, didn’t know how to spell it” She said, “That was meant to say Stye”