Category: misunderstanding

Spent most of today at the dentist’s. That’s the last time I’m having Dominos for tea.

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.” “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” “But, officer, I just wanted to say,…” “And I said […]

My sister had a baby yesterday so I went to Clintons this morning to get her a card. “Did she have a girl or a boy?” asked the girl behind the counter. “Of course she did.” I replied.

My Grandad, quite a man for the Ladies it doesn’t matter how clearly the Gents is signposted

I think I’m addicted to Speed. I just love the camaraderie between Keanu Reeves & Sandra Bullock.

Cameron’s Father Dies: PM With Him In France Why would I ‘private message’ a dead person?

Wife: “So, how do I look?” Husband: “You look like a picture” Wife: “Awwww what kind?” Husband: “A landscape”

“An eye for an eye turns the world blind.” Look on the bright side, everyone gets a dog.

Gillan and Adrian Bayford are the second biggest lottery winners ever. Wow! I didn’t think they came bigger than those two.

A tourist stopped me and asked if I could direct them to the beach. “Certainly.” I said. “Just walk any direction in a straight line, and then stop when you feel yourself drowning.”

Indian names aren’t always read as they appear. I am now banned from Mr S. Pastik’s convenience store.

I ran a red light on my way home yesterday, and a policeman pulled me over. He said, “Have you been drinking, Sir?” I replied, “Yes, loads of times. Great fun, isn’t it?”

My neighbour knocked on the door this morning she said, “I couldn’t sleep last night, your fireworks were banging.” I said, “Oh cheers, I’m glad you liked them.”

Why are there instructions on shampoo bottles? Who needs that? It’s not difficult, you just put some on your hand… then jerk off.

That’s the last time the wife will make me do anything in the kitchen. “How do I cook this pizza?” “Put the oven on Max for half an hour.” Our son’s funeral was today.