Category: lottery

Winning the Euromillions. Fat Chance

Ever played the Eskimo lottery? You have to be Inuit to win it.

The Euromillions has had more rollovers than Cristiano Ronaldo!

My Nan got struck by lightning 24 times at the weekend. On hearing this, I did the honourable thing… … and checked her lottery ticket.

A bulimic girl said to me, “Everything I swallow comes up.” I said, “Quick, swallow my lottery numbers.”

Ive just won BIG on the lottery! Its not a bad DVD but Ive seen better.

Oh my god! I won the Euromillions! I think i’ll use my winnings to buy a litre of unleaded….

161m Winners: “It is sinking in inch by inch” Looking at the size of them, that’s a lot of inches.

I don’t think I’m ever going to win the lottery. I can’t even pick the pen that works from a choice of two at the lottery stand.

The new National Lottery advert claims there have been 2 billion scratch card winners. Or in other words 2 billion folk have won their quid back.

BBC News headline: “OAP in record 113 million lottery win” I’ve always preferred an older partner if you’re reading this, my dearest love. xx

The day after my wife left me I won ten million quid on the lottery. She said, “I think we should give it another go” I said, “You can, if you like. I don’t need to play it anymore”

They say there’s more chance of dying on the way to place the lottery than actually winning. That’s why I always send my wife. Win-Win.

I looked at my wife and wondered, what she’s doing with someone like me? Then I remembered… …I won the lottery.

Saw a flattened little dead silver dog in the middle of the road. Apparently Someone didn’t win on the scratchcard.