Category: lottery

Whenever I see a girl put her newly bought lottery ticket down her bra for safe keeping, I feel the urge to go for a lucky dip.

I couldn’t be happier after the draw this evening. Got 4 numbers on the thunderball.

“Greece Wins 96bn Economic Bailout ” Really? I thought that big rollover jackpot was won by two fat people!

For the first time in ten years I didn’t manage to make it to the newsagent to put my lottery numbers on yesterday, and would you believe it… saved myself a quid.

If they’re phasing out cheques by 2018,will lottery winners be presented with a bag of money or a giant maestro card when they are revealed to the public?

My missus said to me “I’ve won a tenner on the lottery, look! 04, 03 and 10!” I replied “That’s the date love…”

The Euromillions winner has not come forward yet. No surprise there; I’d still be telling my boss what I think of him.

The first thing I’d if I won the lottery? Finally be able to fill the car up.

I feel sorry for the one Nigerian man who actually has $27 million to give to me.

My Nigerian friend has recieved an email saying that hes won 165m in the English Lottery.

The other day, I realized that I don’t do any extreme sports. So I decided to run through Liverpool with a lottery ticket shouting “I’ve won! I’ve won!”

My mate asked, “What would you buy yourself if you won the lottery?” “Acting lessons probably.” “Act..Why?” “I’d like to be convincing when anybody asks me if I have any money.”

If we won the lottery tonight, it wouldn’t change my wife one bit. Because I wouldn’t tell her.

I’m retiring early. I’ve opened a pie shop next door to the new Euro Millions Lottery winners.

Thanks to the Euromillions; the only reason we’ll see ‘Euro Success’ and ‘Liverpool’ in the same sentence.