Category: lottery

I won a tidy sum on the lottery and gave my homeless brother a new home. It was the box from my new 65″ TV.

I won the lottery not so long ago. Blew it in no time. I only intended to spend half of my fortune, but the sign said, “Minimum delivery 2 litres”.

How’s my luck? Last week my daughter announced that she was a lesbian and this morning I found my wife dead. They say things happen in threes. Well, I’m definitely doing Euromillions on Friday!

I said to a mate, “It’s a good job you called in sick yesterday.” “Haha, why was it a busy day?” He asked “No, our syndicate hit the jackpot on the lottery.”

BBC News: “One UK winner of 161 million Euromillions jackpot” I think its my wife. I’ve just came through the door and I can hear her bouncing up and down on the bed screaming “Yes baby, yes!”

So what if Derren Brown can predict the lottery numbers. It turns out that I can as well. But unlike him, I won 2.4 million pounds tonight.

A single English ticket wins the 161million euromillions jackpot…. Finally we win something in Europe

My girlfriend surprised me as I walked into the living room, she held up her card and offered me two lines. I wish I hadn’t rolled up a tenner as fast as I had… Stupid lottery.

The British couple who won 161 million on the lottery have discovered an instant way to look thinner, and they say America already feels like home.

I just saw Colin and Chris Weir celebrating their 161 million lottery win on ‘News at Ten.’ I thought ”that’s disgusting, all the starving people in Ethiopia could live off those two for a year.” And the money would come in handy, too.

I use to buy lottery tickets every week, until I found out I could watch it for free on TV.

Just think how many lottery tickets you could buy if you won the lottery.

A bloke I know has just won 6.2m on the lottery. Camelot have told him that the money will be in his bank tomorrow. I’m going to stand outside the bank from 6am with a shotgun and wait for the van to turn up.

“We don’t want to hire unlucky people!” said the interviewer and randomly discarded half of the applications.

I won the Lottery last night. I haven’t told the wife yet, I can’t use my phone on the plane.