Category: joke

I just love how as soon as we read the story about Tiger Woods crashing, our immediate thought wouldn’t be: “Oh god, I hope he’s alright”, but: “Oh god… …I HAVE to get to Sickipedia!”

Lots of people call me ‘sad’. I’ve kept a tally, 64 to be precise.

I was lying in bed this morning when my wife shouted up the stairs that two blackbirds were in the garden pinching nuts and fruit off the bird table. Imagine my surprise when I went downstairs only to find that two blackbirds were in the garden pinching nuts and fruit off the bird table.

I hate jokes. I’ve felt that way ever since my fat mother-in-law went to the West Indies of her own accord. And brought back a dog with no nose.

Whenever I meet a struggling actor or drama graduate, I always say the same thing, I say, “I’d like a coffee please”

My wife and daughter are leaving because of my obsession with horse racing. And they’re off!

I put the ___ in lazy.

Did you hear about the nervous preacher? He had sweaty psalms

I tried ringing a scissor factory today…. ….I got cut off!!!

What do you get siamese twins as the perfect birthday present? Swingball.

Modesty isn’t even in the top one hundred best things about me.

After months being depressed, my doctor advised me to spend time with people that would be good for my self esteem. I’ve just got the job of driving the Sunshine Bus.

Me and my brother were on a car journey when I turned to him and said “You know when people say something that builds up like a joke but don’t say anything afterwards?” “yeah, right?” he replied. We sat in silence the rest of the journey.

People in a small town believe that the landlord of the local pub is the strongest bloke they have ever seen. They are so sure of this that they offer a challenge to anyone who wants to try it. The challenge is that the landlord gets a lemon and squeezes all of the juice out […]

I heard they were doing a funeral for the 70lb fish Two Tone. Cremate or Barbeque?