Category: joke

One of life’s little conundrum’s. Why does the hardest man in the pub always have the most gorgeous daughter?

Procrastination… I’ll think of the punch line later.

I threw a stone at a duck and it tried to fly out of the way, Why didn’t it just lower its head?

People think that I’m a good mind-reader.

Just saw a advert for tesco’s, offering free home delivery. So i ordered a bungalow!!

My youngest said to me earlier, “Daddy.. If you weren’t married to Mummy, would you marry me?” “Of course not. That just wouldn’t be right,” I replied. I always knew he was a little poof.

They say that ignorance is no excuse. …well how was i meant to know ?

Integration. The only problem nerds struggle with.

They say children are our greatest treasure. Especially when buried.

I bought a Fonz robot this morning. It runs on AAAAA batteries.

If I got a point for everytime someone asked me if I’ve got a Tesco Club card…..hold on….

I wish people would stop all these jokes about the fattest woman in Britain dying. It’s bad enough my wife’s dead but to find out she was married to several other men as well is just torture.

My wife said, “Come on now… It’s not the first time you’ve been premature is it?” “I know,” I replied, “But I just get over excited sometimes.. I can’t help it.” “Right.. Let’s sort this out. I’ll get the decorations down and you put the Christmas tree back in the attic until December.”

I’ve just been dumped by my girlfriend and straight away started going out with a girl on the basketball team. People keep telling me that it’s just a rebound thing.

If time is money, then my wife spends far too much time shopping.