Category: joke

I’m not racist. All my favourite jokes are about blacks!

Tragically, I’m an only twin.

God, to think, this time next week it’ll nearly be 7 o’ clock.

I feel so taken for granted that I’m tempted to change my name to “A Million”. That way, people will start thanking me.

In preparation for 2012, I am building an Ark. I am going to to need two of everything, Two Blonds, Two Brunettes and Two Redheads.

Quit my job as a Glazier the other day. A customer told me I make a better door than a window.

I fell out of a 600 story building and lived! Thankfully I wasn’t at the top!

What do a paedeatrician and an angry person have in common. They both have little patience.

Nottingham is the gun capital of the UK. If you ask me, they need a sheriff.

My nan asked me to clean out her garage while she went on holiday. She’ll be well pleased when she gets back, I got 800 for the lot.

A horse walks into a church, “Why the long face?” asks the priest. “Evolution,” says the horse.

Had to break up with my blind girlfriend, couldn’t stand her wandering eyes.

Why are black birds pink inside? Well to be honest it depends how long you cook the pie for.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Deforestation.

A man walks into a bar which he has never been to, sits down, and orders a drink. As he sits there, a man stands up and says out loud “25!” and the entire bar starts laughing like crazy. He stared confused at everyone, but remained silent. He heard another shout, “One-hundred and fifty six!” […]